all lose our temper from time to time. It’s a natural part of our
emotions. And expressing anger is actually a healthy thing to do in our
relationships with others. Expressing our differences in opinion allows
us to have healthy conflict and many times come to an agreement or
understanding that works for everyone.
That being said, too much anger is counterproductive. Expressing anger inappropriately
can be harmful to relationships, both personal and at work.
Inappropriate in this context can be too much anger, too often, or a
times that are only going to make things worse, not better. In this
article we will look at how to deal with anger and better control your
Let’s take a deeper look at how to deal with anger.
Expressing Anger: Unhealthy vs Healthy Ways
Anger is a natural and normal part of almost any relationship. This
includes relationships with your spouse or significant other, kids,
bosses, friends, family, etc. Anger provides us with valuable
information, we just have to be willing to listen to it. It clues us in
to areas where we disagree with others and things that need to be
changed or altered.
Common Unhealthy Ways to Express Anger
Here’re some common yet unhealthy ways to express anger that you should avoid:
This is a term many of us are familiar with. Passive-aggressive
behavior happens when someone is angry but uses indirect communication
to express their anger.
Some of the more common passive-aggressive behaviors include the
silent treatment, making comments about someone behind their back, being
grumpy, moody, or pouting, or simply not doing tasks or assignments
that they should.
This is a passive-aggressive person’s way of showing their anger. Not very productive but extremely common.
This is something I’ve been guilty of. I tend to be pretty open and
out there with my emotions. As such, I’ve been known to express my anger
in a situation where it can’t really do any good.
An example would be getting angry at one person in front of a crowd
of people. All that does is make people uncomfortable and shuts them
down. It’s not a healthy way to express anger or disagreement with
Being angry all the time is most often a symptom of something else.
It’s healthy and normal to express anger when you disagree with someone.
However, if someone is angry most of the time and always seems to be
expressing their anger to everyone around them, this won’t serve them
As a matter of fact, over time, people will start to avoid this
person and have as little contact as possible. The reason being is no
one likes being around someone who is angry all the time and it’s a
Expressing Anger in a Healthy Manner
What about the healthy ways to adapt? Some healthy ways to express anger in our relationships include:
Expressing your anger or disagreement in an honest fashion. By this, I
mean be truthful about what it is that is making you angry. Sometimes
this will entail walking away and thinking about it for a bit before you
respond. But that’s okay because you want to be honest.
Don’t say you’re mad at something someone did or said when it’s really something else that upset you.
Similar to being honest, being direct is a healthy way to express anger.
Don’t talk around something that is making you angry. Don’t say that
one thing is making you angry when it’s really something else. And don’t
stack items on top of each other so you can unload on someone about 10
different things 6 months from now.
Be direct and upfront about what is making you angry. Ensure you are
expressing your anger to the person who upset you or you are angry at,
not to someone else. This is very counterproductive.
When something makes you angry, it’s much better to express it in a
timely manner. Don’t keep it bottled up inside of you, that’s only going
to do more harm than good.
Think of the marriages that seem to go up in flames out of nowhere
when the reality is someone kept quiet for years until they hit their
Expressing anger as it occurs is a much healthier way of using anger to help us guide our relationships in the moment.